Should I get a divorce?

Somer Distilo: Red flag, this could lead to cheating. I would not commence.

Nikki Sypult: I am by no means placing all the blame on him! I just do not know if we need to continue trying to work together to fix these problems or if we should get a divorce. How does one make such a difficult decision?

Flor Lizardi: You simply surround yourself with those individuals in your life who are positive and love you; those who will encourage you to move forward in your life. Come to the realization that this marriage has ended and from your question it seems that it was your choice "choice of working off shore"... So accept that and simply make peace with your decision. Being single is not the worst thing in the world. Learn to love yourself and your own company; it will make you a less needy and more loving partner.

Lorelei Lilburn: You can't just stop loving him, but you need to avoid all compromising situations, and stop any flirting. Don't be just another mis! tress who's responsible for a divorce involving children. Have some self control. You'll feel better about yourself.

Sharee Doak: well i will advise you to try more communication maybe you need to spen more time together listen to each other the fact that he is in the millitary means that he will be away for a long period of time but the time that you spend with him make it unforgetible and understand each other if that doesnt work then yes you may want a divorce

Miguel Densley: Try marriage counseler first, & you have also to be ready to work on yourself & not wait for him to do it marriage is about co existence & sharing.Good luck

Marcel Then: Just don't spend anytime with him. Don't talk to him on the phone, e-mail him or meet him. If you work with him, change departments. If you don't see him, you'll stop thinking about him eventually.

Maurice Breuning: married 22 ys now and half of it was military--girl you need to back down and be a woman! , where is your quite, feminine side? if he doesn't find it wi! th you he will elsewhere-no guy wants to be with a drill sgt. all the time, his parents [ i trust] only want to see their son happy, you are supposed to 'support' him, in ways no other person can. do you know what strong really is? it's being patient, holding the reigns on your tongue, letting him make the important decisions now, he is a man, not a boy, what part of that don't you understand? he was man enough for the military but not good enough for you? do your own [moral] thing, and let him do his, with confidence, he has enough on his mind, he needs you to be there for him. My husband works in the MidEast, 6 mos at a time, and i am doing my part keeping the home warm and loving for him, why does my husband deserve more than yours? you may be ready to cuss me out by now--but think of this-if you divorce; within 3 mos. he'll have some sweet young thing on his arm, w/ inner qualities you have lack. so good luck....Show more

Rona Ising: You will lose him ! the way yu found him! "in the arms of the other woman", so why are you bothering with a "CHEATER". Be kind to yourself, you will find a man who doesn't have a wife, kids, and other basketsof poo, for you!

Elfreda Grossen: It is always so much harder these days to keep and obtain a good marriage, than it was in the past, such as your parents. People did not expect so much then from their wives. But in the last 20 years or so women have changed so much, become stronger and self independent and what a lot more than our mothers were prepared to put up with. Personally I think the cost of better times to live in, what with technology moving on in leaps and bounds, has a high price to pay. Women are almost tuned into being everything all in one go, wife, mother, and still hold a full time job. And companies don't support their workers so much anymore, they literally want blood out of stone, sure you may be far better paid than yester year, but by God the pressure our b! osses put on us is tough to say the least. Likewise you worked off sho! re no doubt for good money, and that obviously has proved wrong for your marriage. Women nowadays are greedy, they want nice homes, nice things but they also want your company - so this has attributed toward the breakup of your marriage.Divorce is a dirty word, especially when your the one that has not betrayed the marriage but have done your best to keep the wife happy, but she got too lonely. It depends what reason she gave to leave the marriage, but would she not sit down with you ad talk things over with you? If the reason for going was that she could not take your absence so much, then is she not worth giving your job up for ? If that were the only reason I can see a reconciliation for you both. But she would have to give up wanting everything at once.I do sympathise with you for I know the pain of this myself, men can get as deeply by divorce just as easily as we women do. It's like being forced to go through a grieving stage, in someways it feels worse than los! ing someone we love via death. For at least you know that the person who died can not come back to you, whereas pending divorce we live in the hope that we may get another chance.You ask is there any websites or something that you could do so that you could talk about your own situation. Well none that I know of, other than talking as you are now through a website like this, to a person who has experienced the pain of divorce. But that is not what you really need, each of us that have gone through a divorce will only give their story, each of us are different emotionally, so what you need is something like counselling, which of course does cost money. I presume that like me your from the UK, so why not make an appointment with the Marriage Guidance Councillors, they are able to help you as the individual person. Often though you have to wait months, which is not ideal, its help you need right now. Or you could go off and see your Doctor and he maybe able to recommend ! you to a Councillor on the NHS. I do hope I have given you some helpfu! l advice, and I send my good wishes to you, for right now I know you are in deep pain. In time it will pass though of course you will never forget. And though you don't see it right now, in time the pain will ease and you may even find the love of your life one day, someone who loves and respects you for wanting to do the best for your family.Good Luck !!

Shena Etulain: please do Art of Living course by Shree Shree Ravishankar

Hope Lundmark: You shouldn't decide anything right now. Go get some help for your relationship and your family. I too am a strong ,opinionated, independent woman, and I'm here to tell you. We are overbearing people, we want it our way.All of the time. God forbids, if we are ignored, push or made to look small and all of hell breaks loose. He is doing the right thing by not getting into confrontation with you. You should really learn to respect his parents more than you do and then maybe then, they will respect you. Do not give up your m! arriage. Work on your attitude, that's what I'm currently doing. Girl, if you got me wrong I could tell you a thing or two, I can take care of myself and I will not be treated as a fool. Well then I learned i had to give alittle and he began to give allot. i learned to be quiet, when I wanted to really stand up for myself.You need to check your behavior before he find someone else that is not so mouthy....Show more

Heidy Fujikake: It will only help if you meet someone and fall in love. Get going. Hunt hard. Date hard. You will dump him like he has dumped you. I was with one for five years and I could not imagine life without him. Someone else came along and treated me like a princess and I could not even return his phone calls that I was hopelessly waiting for. I am still shocked at where those feelings went. You will be fine. You are a princess and don't you forget it. Muah!

Willie Tun: just stop... dont answer the phone, dont go to see him, and reme! mber once a cheat always cheat, and down the road if you two ever had a! n kind of relationship, he may just do it to you... find a single man and move on...

Nilda Bafia: Is "your guiding light" removed yet?He is SOO annoying!Its a shame that real answers cannot be given because all he does is take up 10 pages!

Janita Tetlow: you both need to do a lot of growing up before you are married to anyone. You are acting like children, not adults. At 34, I would have thought you were no longer a teenager..yet say you act like one...a very sad statement. Good luck, this marriage is doomed if you cannot talk peacefully about differeneces of opinion.

Leisa Brodnex: life is really short. too short to be unhappy. if you are not happy or productive in this relationship why waste time something of which we take for granted

Alvaro Oare: The good thing is that you see your faults, and know what you need to work on. Your fighting style should not determine whether or not you stay married.....just change how you do it. If you are too angry ! to talk then let each other know and discuss the issue later. Screaming, hanging up on each other, being disrespectful....that will solve no problems. If you truly love each other, then work it out. Remember that each time you hang up on each other may be the last time you get the opportunity to do so, so why waste it? Say "I'm angry but I love you and will talk to you later"....Show more

Eliseo Luma: If you have to ask the question at all is a sure sign that you should get a divorce...asking that question is a pre-cursor to you ending up divorced anyway.It also sounds like you got married for the wrong reasons and there is no benefit to staying together.Marriage is a business partnership. How is your company performing? Are you profitable or are you heading for emotional bankruptcy? Sometimes you have to close the doors and call it quits before things get more out of hand than they have...which they will...tadow...Show more

Refugio Gastineau: That's just it, i! t is such a difficult decision to make. It does sound like the two of ! you have gone on in your own direction. Maybe for the sanity of the two of you and family members it's best to move on, of course with no hard feelings. You are both young enough to have a fresh start.Good luck.

Marcelle Vanlith: Uh you can start by loving yourself and get some self worth. You need to just stop all contact.... find someone else to occupy your time...

Luther Plagmann: Well at least passion and DON'T DRINK gave you some honest, reasonable answers.If you find the "off switch" to love would you please send me an email and let me know where it is?Don't waste your time looking.... Of course you can spend time and effort with other distractions to get your mind off of what you so love... But why bother?You can feel guilty and blame yourself if the guy gets a divorce but the fact is that all mistresses could disappear today and forever..... So will that make the divorce rate zero from now on? No it wont.... It may be less stressful for you if you ! just accept the fact that you love him and it's not going to change... .Yes if you insist on leaving this guy alone then fine go on and start looking for a new boyfriend... (I don't envy either one of your choices as neither is easy) and take what comes.... You may find a guy you love even more..... Still doesn't mean you found the off switch does it?You know if someone gave you an easy button and sat it in front of you and said here you go haypien... All you have to do is push it one time and you won't love him anymore..... I bet you would not push it would you? Because you love him.... You might feel better if you just stop trying to fight it....

Charissa Bichsel: Is there any online self help webs, chat rooms etc. that will help me cope and move on with this chapter of my life? I am 40 yrs old and this was the first time of marriage. My dad, may he RIP, had always told me that you only get married once. I held out for who I thought was "The One". It is hard! for me to deal with this choice working off-shore. Just want to learn ! more on bettering my coping skills to deal with the situation.

Cuc Gire: Divorce is the easy way out, yes. Not the commendable one, though.Why are you fighting? There has to be a reason. Most couples who CONSTANTLY are really fighting about the SAME thing, just in a different context. Marriage couselors are mediators. That's all. It's a lot of money for a situation that you and your husband can work out if you a) know what the problem is, b) can compromise, and c) love each other.You don't have to like your in laws. My husband can't STAND my mother. We, however, don't love each other any less. It's OUR marriage, not my mother's.I guess the best way to get your point across in an argument without causing lasting damage is to not call names, and to not yell. One of you may be getting angry, but if he's gone a lot of the time, are you sure that it's not just because you miss each other and have no one else to vent your frustrations on?Think about why you're figh! ting before you think that divorce is your only answer....Show more

Launa Weingarten: If you love someone and you let them go if they come back to you the love is meant to be. You and your spouse are not happy together so maybe you should try trail separation

Giovanna Sherlin: Put yourself in the wife's shoes. You wouldnt want a homewrecker around would you?Husbands are a big no no, even more so when you add kids into the picture.The way I see it women need to stick together more. Sounds like you have done enough...move on.Focus on other things, time will heal your heart. Also dont mess with another womans husband ever again!

Bianca Lannier: Only you can decide that. But, I was in a marriage just like that for five years. I learned a few things. I know now that yelling and arguing only makes the other person feel more justified to do things to hurt you (emotionally in my experience), and I realized both of us only had one life. Why spend it constantl! y arguing or unhappy. Maybe you could sit down, refuse to fight, and j! ust have a conversation about what to do next. I hear counseling can be a great option if both parties are willing. Best wishes....Show more

Dexter Dicostanzo: A guys wife had an affair with a married man a year before that had met. This affair guy had been part of her family for years. Not actively a part of the family. But, none the less, part of the family. He's married with 3 kids. She told her husband of the affair of her past when they had met. He dealt with insecurities because of the knowledge of that and another affair she had. Year later they are married and have a child. Her family knows not of the affair. They question why she isn't facebook friends with this guy and why he asks them how she is doing and why he doesn't just ask her. Her and her husband talk and the husband isn't comfortable with the idea of her staying in contact but doesn't want her family to look bad on her either. He agrees to the possibility of them becoming fb friends. W! hile they are fighting she friends him on facebook and actually ends up deleting her husband because of their arguing on other matters. Her husband finds out about the friending and is upset. She lies about her talking to him and asking how his life is going. It is all innocent talk that the husband knows of. But, he still doesn't like how she did it. He wants her to unfriend him. She's saying that she has forgiven herself of her past and that he is just not letting her forget her past. He just feels that it is better for the relationship to keep this guy out of her life. What kind of resolution can be made to save their marriage?

Joaquin Dronko: Get a divorce, why make each other miserable!

Mandy Mustaro:

Lupe Sancen: Agreed with the one who said that his children need him more than you do. Think about them, and then just go "cold turkey" as everyone is saying. It may hurt for a while, but will be well worth it and will hurt less than what will! happen if you don'ot stop seeing him.

Romana Stiman: How long di! d the two of you know each other before you got married? I can't help but wonder just how much time you did have together before hand to really get to know one another if he's 'gone half the time' because he's in the active military.I do know from personal experience that those in active duty at least, can be very difficult to deal with. They may not have been that way when they first enlisted but that doesn't mean that they don't become that way once they are in. By this I mean that I know about some of the things that they see when deployed and it changes a person and not always for the better. There are so many that come back with PTSD and many of those go undiagnosed. Just something that you may want to keep in mind.Now with that said, all relationships are hard work. Parents, kids, spouses, friends, etc. Have you two thought about going back to the dating phase, even if that means living at dfferent addresses for a time? I'm thinking that if you could turn back! the hands of time and begin again, maybe that would make a difference. Only the two of you know whether or not you even want to put forth that kind of effort.Whatever you do - please - the two of you can't go on the way that you are. It is bad for the both of you emotionally and mentally. We already have a world filled to over flowing of the walking wounded.Don't add two more....Show more

Phil Kuarez: i dont think that you should get a divorce, especially if you have kids, but even if you dont, you still shouldnt. it seems to me that the problem is the lack of respect you have for one another, although you are strong and independent, it can at times feel like a threat to most husbands, maybe if you tried to be more passive and work on your respect for him, things will get better. when he sees that you are trying to make it work, he will try to. you should also talk with him about it. yelling and screaming is one of the worse things you can do, so instead just try ! your best to calm down when fighting, and listen to him more, that way ! he will listen to you....Show more

Bailey Lares: This is a hard question to answer...but I think that if you read your own question again, as an answerer, you are gonna find that you answered your own question in your question. I would think that you and him don't have much love for one another and have grown apart. So perhaps it is time to end it and go your separate ways. I wish you luck and be as strong as you say you are. =)

Joesph Smithmyer: This shouldn't be such a difficult decision. Divorce should never be an option. If you don't allow divorce to be an option, then you can move toward fixing things. But as long as you allow divorce to be an option it will be hard to fix things. It sounds like you need professional counseling. Being that he is in the military there are a lof options for you. Fleet and Family service centers, chaplains, and the military hospitals. Don't allow divorce to be an option. marriage is forever....Show more

Bryan ! Avinger: I don't answer many of these, but yours begs for some enlightenment, hon.How does one make such a decision? I think marriage is admiration, respect, passion and trust, with lots of lovies, kindnesses, support, open conversation, and resolving issues without rage. (and unfortunately, we don't teach this last one in high school) and putting the other first. And sometimes, the best thing is just to shut the hell up. Sometimes we also need to look at our relationship in practical fashions --- is this a person I can get along with? do we have more in common that we have in difference? is this a person I'd like to plan a family with, and can I accept the fact that our feelings for each other will change and evolve, as we age together? Because if these are things you have not considered, you will never find a spouse to be in a solid relationship with... this one, or the next one.Things that you have each spouted off to the other, you can never take back, and again, ! it goes to the thing your mom probably often told you: "If you can't s! ay something nice, ...."Further, it is a real skill to communicate your needs, wishes and desires without inflammatory responses, and without resentment.... in college, counseling courses teach this skill: " I would like it if we would...." I need some time with you to discuss this...." "I feel that when you do this, you are shutting me out of your thoughts..." yadayada. There is no argument about what you feel, what you need, and what you want.... There is, however, when you trod on the other guy's ego...When you say such things as:" You are such a jerk when you do....." "How in the hell can I get my stuff done when you...." "Are you trying to be stupid when we....."See the difference?If you each wish to save your relationship, you might try a few sessions of counseling... and by so doing, you might discover that indeed you have no reason to go forward as a couple. In which case, it would be time to cut each of your losses........Show more

Shan Lanen! : Try marriage counseling first before you make hasty decisions about divorce. It works wonders!

Raymon Fiene: It seems that a compromise was reached and the wife decided to take it one step to far. This is why facebook can be such a problem in relationships!My advice would be that the husband and wife sit down and really discuss the fact that the past needs to stay in the past for both of their sakes. Maybe take themselves off of facebook for a bit and focus more on their happiness together.

Mark Villifana: Life is short and their is know way anyone should waste it being in a bad relation and being unhappy. when you find the right person everything just seems to fall in to place. In 29 years me and my wife have had to spats that lasted about 2 hrs we love to be with each other all the time when we are apart while working we wish we together, it's like it was prearranged by someone that we be together.

Bethanie Menden: Marriage good or bad is going to b! e a rough road, but remember a marriage is about two people and two peo! ple alone - you and your spouse. It sounds as if both of you need to inform both sides of the family that their behavior isn't settling any differences between you and your husband. If they can't offer support to the both of you then its time for them to take a back seat. Give your problems the respect they deserve. Young marriages need a time to bond and it sounds as if you missed that with your spouse's military duties. Marriage counselors can do wonders in helping couples find a medium ground where they can communicate. Local churches are an awesome place to search out free or low priced counseling. Divorce should be the last available option and until that time both partners need to realize its a slow tedious road to recovery be honest with each other and more importantly honest with yourselves whether you're ready to truly commit to make the marriage work. For more help try http://family.org/...Show more

Shawn Lelis: Sounds like both of you need to do some growi! ng up.Ask yourself some questions.Will you be better off separate? Will you be happy separate? Is this truly what you want to do? Can both of you work your problems out together? Think about all this and then make your decision.

Chi Alfero: Billie has the best answer I have ever read on yahoo!!!Please print out her answer, absolutely right on target!!I'm a man and in the same boat!God Bless!

Sheree Hipwell: You nee to see a marraige conselor to try and work things out. Perhaps some little one on one counseling, too. Marraige is hard work, and you should try everything you can before throwing in the towel.

Emery Blando: some therapy would do wonders!

Misty Vagle: I'm not supposed to encourage divorce because of my religous beliefs but I feel your pain. Read my last ? I posted. They had some good answers for me.

Filiberto Ranalli: I think the wife is in the wrong and has an obligation to unfriend him and sever the relationship.Chit chatting a! t family events is one thing. Cutting her HUSBAND off FB and continuin! g to talk to her affair is selfish and questionable.She also says that he's not letting her forget her past...what is SHE doing when she keeps talking to the guy?? Holding on to the past! She needs to wise up and realize what's more important in her life before she loses a great thing! Good luck